Memories, Rivers & Robins

Nostalgia is a funny thing.

I’ve lived in an apartment in a small town by myself for over a year now. I recently made the decision to move out in April, take a seasonal managing job for the summer, and see where life goes after that. This apartment has been good to me. It has healed me in ways I can’t fully describe, and it has given me time and space to be myself by myself.

Since I made the decision to leave this town, the nostalgia has been overwhelming. I’m always a nostalgic person. Memories come flooding into my mind unexpectedly pretty much every day. But in the past few days, it’s created a haze over my life. Every step I take and every move I make takes me back to another time. There are moments where I’ve enjoyed it, and there are moments where I feel it has only brought sadness and uncertainty of whether I’m making the right move.

Today was a gorgeous day, and I decided to take a walk on a trail in the state park nearby. I come here weekly – sometimes several times a week. Though I’ve lived here for over a year, this was the first time I walked so far on this trail. I was walking quickly, even breaking a sweat in the barely 50 degree weather, but I was on a mission.

After awhile, I came to a bridge over a river, and I was immediately surrounded by gorgeous scenery that’s been there this whole time, and I never knew it. I came out of the fog that I’ve been in for a few days, and I took it in. Just at this moment, I realized I had been surrounded by hundreds of robins throughout the whole walk. Robins are the birds who bring the beginnings of spring to Iowa. They carry change.

I don’t have a lot to say about the moment. It was understated, beautiful, necessary, and I’m grateful for it.

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