Change, pt. 1

For the next few Sundays, I’m going to be posting some writings coming from a very personal place. There are going to be ups and downs and straight-up ramblings, and I’m not sure how long this saga will last. Hopefully, some of you might enjoy it. If not, it’s here anyway.
Thanks for reading!

***

It’s been a long while since I last felt like this.
I guess that’s a good thing.
I thought I was doing well, but maybe I was just on a long high.

What do you do when you crash?

It’s like I’m on I-70, I lost control, and my brakes gave out. I swerve into the runaway ramp, just barely making it in time.
It’s a dark night – clouds thick over the moon and stars, and even in this vast, mountainous landscape, the sky puts me into a box.
I scream helplessly, but there’s no one on the road. The cars that do go by are few and far between, and they are going too fast to stop by the time they can see me.
Of course, I’m also not getting any phone service. But like a nightmare, even if I did, I’m sure my fingers would suddenly be too large to hit the buttons or something silly like that.
My cries go unheard and unnoticed to everyone but me and the trees.

But the trees do hear me, I realize. And something is in the trees – the same that is a part of me – but how can I know when I can’t see or feel it?

“Where are you?” I yell soundlessly.

How long can I reach out before I am grabbed? How long will I fall before I am caught?

I don’t know.

Maybe, to figure it out, I just have to keep falling.

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