Change, pt. 2

The pinch in my lungs reminds me to quit smoking.
The smell of my sweat tells me I’ve been drinking too much.
The weight of my legs asks when I last went for a walk.

Will I change?
Maybe, maybe not.

I’ve been feeling so good, but it almost seems as if I can only support one kind of change at a time whether it’s the heart, the body, or the mind. When I’m onto something with one, another crashes-

-and I fall.
Down the rabbit hole, but without the psychedelics and pocket watches.

Yet here I am.
I’m out. I’m walking. I’m reconnecting – or trying to.
That’s something.
(Is it enough?)

A monarch drifts by as a lazy reminder of this impending change.
But, where’s my cocoon?
Do I have to build it? Am I unknowingly inside of it? Or will I one day just find myself transformed?

It’s hard to know. It’s all guesswork for now.
I just hope that as I fall, I will learn to fly.

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